StephenWilson Jr. was a scientist working for Mars, Inc. (Yes, Candy Company).

One day, his boss dragged him into the office and said something that changed his life:

“Stephen, you're about to get a promotion.”

This was usually a cause for celebration, but his boss meant it as a warning.

In a previous life, Stephen was a guitarist in a small indie rock band. He also spent his evenings writing songs.

His boss knew Stephen was a damn good songwriter and knew where he really belonged.

He told Stephen about the golden handcuffs:

“You're in line for a promotion and they're preparing you to go to the next level.

And you're kind of at a crossroads.

Because if you take (a promotion) like I did 30 years ago, your dreams of being a songwriter will disappear. It will consume every part of you.

Right now you can write songs and do this job, but in 6 months I'm not sure if you'll be able to. So I just want to warn you.

That little voice in Stephen's head that had been there for many years began to grow louder.

Six weeks later, with his inner voice now deafening, he put in his two weeks' notice, which was confusing all (except his boss and his wife).

He began working as a bartender and waitressing to make ends meet, honing his craft while trying to land country music publishing deals... while getting ostracized for not writing. ​bra country songs.​: :

He was told, “You write TRUE songs. There's nothing we can do about it..."

Years later, after modest success writing songs for other musicians, he finally gained the courage, experience and strength to start recording his own songs.

Last year he finally released his debut album, Dad's sonwhich Rolling Stone magazine named one of the best albums of 2023.

Recently, Stephen released the so-called ​a stunning cover of Ben E. King's "Stand By Me."​ which I have listened to about 10,000 times in the last month.

(Seriously, watch this video. It will give you goosebumps!).

Golden handcuffs versus uncomfortable expansion

In the years 2008-2010 I also led a double life.

My day job was at Sixthman, helping to promote and produce floating music festivals. But I also spent my nights and weekends working on a little website that helped nerds get in shape.

Both my boss April and my mentor Andy (who owned the company) knew where my heart was; they encouraged me to chase the uncomfortable future of trying to make Nerd Fitness my career.

16 years later we are still going strong!

At Oliver Burkeman's ​Four thousand weeks​encourages us to ask specific questions when making life decisions:

“Where in your life or work do you seek comfort when a little discomfort is needed?”

Asking ourselves “what would make me happiest” will most likely lead us to a short-term, comfortable and safe option.

Instead, we should consider which path will make us grow as a person and which path will make us shrink each week. We probably know the answer to this question deep down if we have the courage to ask it.

Burkeman's advice:

“Whenever you can, choose uncomfortable zoom-in over comfortable zoom-out.”

Yes, sometimes chasing that “uncomfortable size” doesn’t result in a songwriting deal or a successful business. I chose an uncomfortable path and sometimes things don't work out. But it's part of the process that at least eliminates the risk of unhealthy regret!

Which brings me to today's mission.

Let's accept that we feel uncomfortable

Let's chase uncomfortable expansion in 2025.

• When we strength train, We force our muscles to feel discomfort by lifting heavier and heavier weights - they respond by growing and adapting.
• If we use food as a coping mechanism when we are sad, angry or bored, it can be uncomfortable to bring up our relationship with food.
• When we have an unpleasant conversation, we can finally deepen our relationships or stand up for the things that are important to us.

In 2025, let's ask ourselves:

Where in your life you live comfortably and safely, when deep down did you know that the path of “uncomfortable zoom” is what you really need to grow and help you get what you really want?

You may not need to immediately quit your job, commit entirely to a new goal, or change…

But maybe it's worth asking yourself this uncomfortable question.

Life is hard and change is even harder.

Uncomfortable.

Terrifying.

Messy.

But if you want to say NO to consolation, this may be exactly what you need.

-Steve

PS: ​We run free 5-day workshops​ for people who want to build new habits that will actually stick in 2025, it starts in just a few days!