After her husband Stephen 'tWitch' bossTragic death in December 2022. Allison Holker revealed the painful truths she discovered by searching for answers in his diaries.

Hoping to find clarity—and some semblance of closure—Allison Holker uncovered deeply buried struggles that even those closest to Stephen 'tWitch' Boss never knew.

In the months leading up to his death, Holker noticed subtle but troubling changes in Boss's behavior—he was withdrawn, less focused on taking care of himself and smoked more often. Although he admitted to feeling weak, she recalls that he was "very careful about his wording," shielding the full extent of his pain even from her.

"He was wrestling with a lot inside himself, and he was trying to self-medicate and deal with all those feelings because he didn't want to put it on anybody because he loved everyone so much," Holker said. People Magazine in a new interview on the eve publication of her new memoir.

Among the heartbreaking entries, Boss alluded to being sexually abused by a male figure during his childhood, a trauma he carried silently throughout his life. "He didn't want other people to take on his pain," she added.

Although these revelations initially left Holker feeling betrayed, time gave her a broader perspective. "Reading Stephen's journals, and even going back to the books he read and the things he highlighted and listed, really gave me a better perspective on where he was in life and the things he was struggling with," she shared. "It caused a lot of empathy for him and sadness for all the pain he was carrying."

Holker's decision to share these intimate struggles comes from a deep purpose. She hopes her vulnerability might save even one person from suffering in silence. "It's hard to think that he's never opened up to someone and wanted to face it, to come through on the other side. I really hope that people who are dealing with the same thing will help themselves to come out of the shadows and (I know) you're going to be okay."

After her husband passed away, Holker channeled her grief into a mission to support others dealing with trauma and loss. She recently revealed plans for a memoir, "This Far Away: My Story of Love, Loss, and Embracing the Light," which is set to be released next month.

"I would sit in my pool or hot tub and talk to Stephen all the time (after he died). I would be mad at him, or happy for him, or just going through memories," Holker recalled. "One night when I was so angry, I forgave him and thought about how many people are probably waiting to experience the moment I just had."

That realization led her to return to her memoir, determined to create something that could guide others through their darkest hours. "I don't want people to feel when they read it that I'm their therapist. I'm not educated in that world, but I had this really traumatic thing happen in my life that just made me realize what I was already doing. It's really, really important for me to keep going."

Holker hopes her story will be a lifesaver for those who feel alone in their struggles. "It's given me more focus and more purpose, and I really hope that I can be an advocate and a voice for people who feel alone or left out."

In December 2022, Stephen 'tWitch' Boss checked into the Oak Tree Inn, located less than a mile from his home in Los Angeles. Leaving his phone in airplane mode and his car at home, he took an Uber to a motel with a small bag and booked a one-night stay.

Hotel staff reported that Boss seemed calm and untroubled during check-in. However, when he did not check out the next morning, staff discovered him dead in his room from a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head.

The authorities later discovered this The boss left a suicide notereferring to "past challenges." Although the exact contents of the note remained private, it was a sobering confirmation of the silent battles he was fighting.

Allison Holker's story is not just one of loss, but of resilience, perseverance and hope. Through her memoir and ongoing efforts to raise awareness of mental health, she is determined to make sure others know they are not alone.

"If sharing Stephen's story can help even one person step out of the shadows and seek help, then his legacy will continue to shine," she said.

By sharing her grief and her husband's hidden struggles, Holker hopes to honor TWitch's memory while shining a light on the importance of openness, healing and connection.