Alison Holkar Opening up about her late husband's death, Stephen "tWitch" is the bossAnd revealed that he discovered a "trigger" just before his funeral.

Weeks after Bose committed suicide in December 2022 at the age of 40, Holkar, 36, found a "cornucopia" of drugs, including mushrooms, pills and "other substances that I had to see on my phone", hidden in Bose's cupboard.

"It was a really triggering moment for me because I discovered so many things in our closet that I didn't know existed," she said people In an interview published on Tuesday, January 7. “It was very disturbing to me that there was so much going on that I had no idea about. It was a really scary moment in my life to find out, but it also helped me process that she was going through so much and she was hiding so much, and there was definitely a lot of shame in that."

Holkar mentioned that she knew Boss used marijuana during their marriage, explaining that he often smoked weed at the guesthouse at night after their children went to bed. (The couple, who married in 2013, have daughters Wesley, 16, and Jaya, 5, and son Maddox, 8.)

"That was his alone time," he explained. "It was his time to recharge, and it was right."

After the boss's death, Holkar reads his journal, seeking insight into what happened. She learns that he has been hiding a lot from her, including possible sexual abuse by a male figure as a child.

"He was wrestling with a lot of things inside himself, and he was trying to self-medicate and deal with all those feelings because he didn't want to take it out on anybody because he loved everybody so much," Holkar said. "He didn't want other people to take his pain."

Holkar - whose memoirs, This Far: My Story of Love, Loss and Embracing the LightShelf Hits Tuesday, Feb. 4 — explained that she's sharing her story in hopes that she can help other people open up about what they're going through.

"Through certain discussions, even with friends and what's been said, reading his journals ... you realize that he went through a lot as a child and never faced it," he said. “It's hard to think that he never opened up to someone and wanted to face it, to go the other way. I really hope that people who are dealing with the same thing will help themselves out of the shadows and (know) you're going to be OK."

Last month, Holkar marked the second anniversary of the boss' death through Instagram.

“Our angel @sir_twitch_alot is watching over us and protecting us. You are always in our hearts and we will always love you. We miss you, Stephen," she wrote. "You've not been here for two years but you're always on our minds. We love you."

After Boss's death, Holkar finds love again with lover Adam Edmonds. couple Their public debut At a September 2024 event during New York Fashion Week.

"I never knew I could get it again," Holkar Exclusively stated our weekly in the same month. "I actually feel like I've got such a great love and support system from someone."

If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or text or chat to 988 988lifeline.org. If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse, contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) national helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).