Pro surfer Koa Smith reflects on being 'desperate, suicidal, heartbroken': 'I'm so grateful'

Pro Surfer Soldier Smith Candidly opens up about her past mental health struggles Instagram post Celebrating his 30th birthday.

“Oh man… 30 years old and what a trip this life is! No one told me that life is just as good as every year. Slowly the rules of the game unfold day by day,” the athlete posted on Friday, January 3. “The magic thickens, the colors become clearer, the intention refines, the love around me increases. My connection with life deepens. I am very grateful.”

Smith, 30, went on to explain that "sometimes" he closes his eyes and goes back "to see the version of myself that was struggling."

"Restless, depressed, suicidal, heartbroken," she continued in the moving post, which also featured numerous photos of the surfer riding big waves, hanging out with friends and enjoying the beach. “I put my hand on his heart and say it's all worth it! You just wait, it's all worth it!”

He concluded, “Thank you for each and every one of you! Let abundance flow and light shine!”

In an interview in March 2022 independentSmith opened up about a catastrophic injury while surfing in Indonesia that caused the surfer to experience mental health issues.

"I heard this crazy, super peaceful violin," he told the publication at the time, referring to the moment he crashed while trying to ride a wave. “I had one of those moments where I was over the whole bay looking down. I could see my friends in the lineup. I could see boats in the bay. I could see the mountains. Then I suddenly realized that I was actually under water.

He continued: "I felt like I was leaving my body. The strange thing was it was a very comfortable, very loving, euphoric state. There was no fear. It was just like being at home."

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The somewhat euphoric feeling was short-lived — when the surfer regained consciousness, he couldn't remember his own name or address. As a result of the crash, Smith said he suffered a severe concussion and later realized "something broke" inside him.

"I couldn't work anymore," he explained at the time. "I had to spend 10 hours a day in my bed in the dark and figure out what I wanted to do from there."

After struggling with her mental health despite seeing a doctor, Smith said independent He decided to try psilocybin mushrooms as part of his "healing process."

"It took me back to my childhood, that fire inside me as a child," he explained. “It reminded me that I was a good person and that I came into this world to do good. It reminded me to use my head injury as a guide to healing.”

If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org.



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