A few years ago I attended a lavish 40th birthday party for my friend Nick.

As part of the celebration, he rented an improv comic, and we All he had to take part in learning improvised comedy.

(I just felt the collective chill of all the introverts reading this newsletter).

We started coming up with fun scenarios and scenes to participate in, and we learned the most important rule of Improvisation: "Yes and."

Two simple words and the basis of all improv comedy:

Whenever someone comes up with a scene, sentence or situation, the ONLY acceptable answer is "yes and"

• Yes: Acceptance! I accept and recognize that no matter the situation, no matter how absurd it is, it is true.
• And: build! Just like during a tennis match, when your improv partner hits the ball to you, it's up to you to hit it back! Relying on a situation or scene.

For example, if your improv partner says, "I'm a space pirate," your response might be:

• “Yes, and I am the space police, you are under arrest!”
• "Yes, and I'm the first officer and I'm looking for a new crew, this is perfect!"
• "Yes, my name is Captain Hook, welcome to Pirates Anonymous."

The "yes and" rule is extremely important because there is nothing worse than a bad improv partner!

Kind of like Liam Neeson in ​this short sketch​ with Ricky Gervais (I laugh every time):

Yes, and a rule for life

As a former "gifted kid" who was very overachieving and fed up with my negative inner critic, I worked hard to incorporate "yes and" into my life.

The “yes” part is based on acceptance, which I have been working on for the past two years.

Check out my previous essays on the topic ​Adoption​ AND ​Wabi Sabi​ for more.

This is the “i” part that I have been focusing on lately.

As Dr. Kristen Neff points out in her book ​Self-compassion​life is complex and so are people:

“Judgment defines people as bad and good and tries to capture their basic nature with simplistic labels.

Discriminating wisdom recognizes complexity and ambiguity.

Nothing is ever as simple as it seems. Things are never as good or bad as our brain thinks.

So despite the voice in our heads that wants to judge everything in black and white, yes or no, good or bad... We must remember that life is a beautifully complicated mess.

Author F. Scott Fitzgerald once said:

The test of first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in one's mind simultaneously while still maintaining the ability to function.

For example, you must be able to see that the situation is hopeless and at the same time be determined to change it.

This is my task for you today.

Is there a part of your life that seems black and white and could use a little complexity instead?

Nothing is as simple as it seems.

Life is hard and change is hard. And you're a good person for trying.

Which means there is hope. AND ​hope is the emotion of a warrior​.

Go and watch it too ​Liam Neeson skit​.

You're welcome.

-Steve

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