The unspoken rule of eating etiquette: Are you interrupted?

Wherever it is in the world, Clarissa Wei rarely takes the last food for you.

Wei, the journalist, the author of the cookbook and the Serious Eats, from Los Angeles, who is currently living in Taipei, has grown to share abundant food with his parents and brothers. “There was always vegetables, fish, protein, meat, fruits,” he says. “It would be beat Too much for just four people. ”

His parents, the Taiwanese immigrants who came to the United States in the 1980s, while Taiwan was in the middle of an economic recovery – the Taiwanese miracle – had no money at all, “says Wei. The abundant meal of Wei's childhood, feels that the way of overcoming was the still -memory of scarcity.

“When you cook meals in Taiwanese and Chinese culture, or in Chinese diaspora, most people are overcooked – especially today when it is so abundant,” says Wei. In these cultures, “hospitable (host) is a person who gives you more food than you can treat.” But at the same time, consumption of the last piece risk the host, explains Wei – inserted that you are still hungry and that the host has not provided enough food.

This often outspoken rule is as universal as it is food-etiquette. In some parts of Spain, the last crumbs were known as la/el de la Vergüenza; In Germany, this is Das Anstandsstück or Das Anstandsrest; Schaambrokje in the Netherlands; Trivselbit in Sweden; And so on, the expression itself usually translates it to some version of the “fair piece” or “shame”. Just as often that there is no name at all – for example, in Minnesota, where Comically tiny food You will often not live for courtesy.

So how can I exactly reconcile the fact that this rule exists in so many cultures – especially geographically and culturally distant from each other?

Krishnendu Ray, scientist and director of the New York University Food Studies PhD program offers some theories – one of which is directly related to his own life. In India, he grew up in a middle -class family, Ray living “very close to hungry people”. As a result: “One of the rules of etiquette was that never Take the last crumbs because you don't know who is hungry, ”he explains.

Ray, who has been living abroad for years in countries such as Italy, said the last piece is a serious crime in the cultures destroyed by war, colonization or other significant social upheavals. His close European friends – as well as their parents or grandparents – “there is always a memory of hunger,” says Ray, attributed to the lasting impact and generational trauma of two world wars. In contrast, Ray says – his son, who had a comfortable education in New York, “no identifiable scarcity” – takes the last piece without hesitation.

In some cases, the rule of the last crumbs may be even more than World War I, in his book, Be Batwurst: The Story of Foods In GermanyFood historian Ursula Heinzelmann writes: “Until the middle of the twelfth century, a huge amount of food and entertainment large groups indicate the increased social rank. Probably because the lower classes can affect themselves to satisfy their hunger, the aristocracy.”

Heinzelmann, born in 1963 in West Berlin, raised himself not to buy Das Anstandsstück. “With a decent education, you know you won't grab it, eagerly, to the last cake, or anything else on the table,” he says. This is something that “anyone who has a” good “family background and education, you almost want not fing or gut.”

In Italy, Fabio Parasecoli, a professor of food studies and a similar etiquette system by his parents and grandparents, learned at the Nye Steinhardt school. Parasecoli grew up in the 1960s, under the “economic miracle” of Italy – a period of rapid economic growth, similar to Wei's parents, who were witnessed in Taiwan. During this period Parasecoli writes in his book Al Dente: The Story of Food in ItalyMany Italian first experienced financial stability. This included access to affordable and abundant food -in Supermarkets, American innovation, which was introduced to Italy in 1957.

Even in the midst of abundance, waste was still unimaginable for people like Parasecoli's grandmother. – Why don't you eat all your food? Parasecoli reminds her grandmother, who lived through both world wars. – Are you leaving La Creanza?

La Creanza – literally, “good manners” – is on the last piece on the plate. Parasecoli said, “Fare una Bella figure” or to leave a good impression and shows that he is not worried about the hunger to go, he explains. The unspoken rule of leaving the last piece is still retained when hunger is much less widespread than during the war, says Parasecoli. “This is a remnant of a kind of past where scarcity was a reality.” Nevertheless, he explains: “There is always tension – especially for older generations – between polite appearance and avoiding waste.”

However, this last little piece is almost never thrown away. In the case of Ray, especially when eating dinner with his family in Delhi, he said, “everyone Avoid taking the last bit, so that there is basically the refrigerator in the refrigerator. ”

At Chinese and Taiwan's dinner tables, Wei explained, the best step is not to eat the last piece, but to every guest. “Say you have a piece of chickens,” he offers to his friend, offering who is at the table. It would otherwise be “incredibly rough,” says Wei.

It is not a role in the unspoken rule of the table. Darra Goldstein, author and food scientist, says an old American faith taught girls to never take the last piece to not get married – to become. old maid– For Goldstein, this faith is likely to apply to both the girl's behavior and the parents of the future of the children.

In Italy: “Women would leave more food for their children and man,” says Parasecoli. Although this behavior did not seem completely disappeared, it explains that the abundance of food in Italy is less widespread than the miraculous days before the economy.

Anita Mannur, Director of Asian, Silent Ocean and Diaspora, has grown up at American University as a similar set of gender rules. Among the big family of India, where Mannur spent part of his childhood, “women always eat for the second time, and men and children will eat first,” he says. However, Mannur's own house is slightly undermined. Mannur's mother, who grew up in India, insisted that the last piece go to the youngest, regardless of gender. “It was like,” I want you to think about other people, humiliate, but not because you are a girl. ”

In the Philippines, where the writer and historian Adrian de Leon lived before he migrated to Toronto at the age of six, anyone who has the last piece without asking others to invite the Tagalog Pejorativ “Walang Hiya” to be transformed to be pretty much “not ashamed”. THE Tiktok video An online publication in the Philippines, when in Manila, “This means that you are not, not shared and not respecting anyone in the room.” While the video is a bit hyperbolic, but Leon says it's true. “I never heard you called this, but I know exactly What you are talking about.

Walang Hiya also extends to the public Filipino, especially in almost every sphere of life. But Leon was taught that whatever he did outside the home, he reflects how his parents – especially his father – were abused. “When I started therapy, it was actually very shameful,” Walang Hiya was, “says De Leon. “Don't you be ashamed of someone getting to know our secrets?” – He remembers his father asked him. Man can also be called Walang Hiya by openly expressing the queer or transdentity, or as De Leon explains, if they are in some way “extra” -meaningful or expressive.

As for the latest crumbs, it can be something like fish head – one of De Leon's favorite – or as essential as “rice rice” that her mother often leaves on her plate. The constant struggle – especially as an adult, chooses, explains De Leon. “I look at that piece of fish and I'm like” I want to finish this! “He says.” (But) I will still find that I do not want to do (around the family). ”

Wei feels a similar ambivalence: “Sometimes there is this inner battle where my American side and my Taiwanese side, where I sometimes buy the last piece and I will be like,” You know what, I don't care! “He says. When he eats with all Taiwanese people, however,“ I firmly Do not take the last piece. ”

However, some people never encounter this rule. Amy bea-a long Brooklyn restaurant co-owner Purple yamwhich Closed in the summer of 2024 Due to the retirement of Bea and her husband, the Philippines in the Islands before the country's combat law, which lasted from 1972 to 1981. Bea was never Hiya (shame) around the food. – It looks so negative! Besa says.

In the case of Besa, this may have to do with the size of the family – theory. His older brothers moved out when he was a youth, so he and his parents were usually at the dining table, with little reasonable necessity; The food was primarily a source of joy. “For me, meals are such a happy way to communicate with people, right?” says. – So if someone wants to eat a lot, hey, great!

In so many ways, the last bite of food symbolizes rich, complex, often paradoxical dynamics when we eat with others. Food, Parasecoli explains: “Where does he discuss his identity, social relationships, status, memories.” The dining table is a place where Mannur's mother can decide to undermine the gender rules with the inscription and give the last food to his youngest daughter; Here you can decide that Wei decides to give the last fruit to his son “love”, not an internalized shame, he says.

Despite these ongoing negotiations, the dinner with the group does not have to feel. When De Leon's family goes to dinner with their close family members, “we know Tita Hella makes food,” says Tagalog for the aunts or aunts. “And we'll rush, enjoy whatever it is. And we'll take it home if we don't finish it.”

2024 September